Challah-Challah-Bo-Ballah

Vacations have a lasting effect on me: when I return from vacation, I really, really don't want to get back to work. Today, I aided my desire to procrastinate by making challah bread.

Step one (after you pour an endless amount of flour into the sticky battery stuff and kneed it for approximately an eternity and then let it double in a warm, quiet atmosphere with classical music playing in the background), is to divide the dough in half and then quarter each of the halves.

Working one half of the loaf at a time, Step Two is to roll out the quarters into long, strandy things. There's a reason for this. And while you do this, you can admire my beautiful watch. And my "classic" iPhone, and the extra egg (we'll get to that later).

The complex use of braiding magic is the basis for Step Three. No matter how tightly I try to braid it, I never can get the start to look tight. Bah. Whatever. It tastes the same.

Quarter the second half of the loaf. I hope you can see where this is going now....

Braid the second half of the loaf, using magic, just like the first half.

Toss 'em in the oven - if you're smart and can warm up the oven enough to help the bread rise, but not so hot that you kill all of the yeast - and let 'em soak in the rays until they're bloated to twice their previous size.

Then, take that mysterious extra egg from scene twenty-seven and smear it over the two braids.

Finally, bake it for precisely the correct amount of time, minus one minute, to ensure a slightly doughy center.

Mmm.

This has been Chef Master Curtis. And remember, help control the pet population; have your pet spayed or neutered.