Pool Time and Celery Sticks
I'm 2nd place, behind a *girl*, in a Strava segment. I have a new focus in my life. Also, I'm the proud new owner of a smoker, or I will be, if it ever arrives.
More posts
Banned from Walmart
I added a smoker to my cart, checked out, and minutes later Walmart cancelled the order for "rule violations." Which rules? No idea. I tried again; cancelled again. The chatbot was useless, there is no human to call, and I finally ordered from my wife's account, still completely baffled.
The Specimen is Received in Formalin
Why does food go bland the moment your nose is stuffed up? Because most of what you call taste is actually smell, and the tongue map you learned in school was a lie. Meanwhile, buried in my medical records: a pathology report that refuses to confirm my appendix was even an appendix.
The Secret to Great Teeth is Fearing Your Dentist
My daughter came home from the dentist happy, showing off a new toy, and with a diagnosis of four new cavities. Now I have to police her teeth-brushing each night. I wish this dentist would scare the kids more.
Dentistry & Zip Lines
Is that one shady mechanic actually more trustworthy than your dentist? Several dentists we've visited have wanted to do massive amounts of completely unnecessary work. When did pediatric dentistry become an "up sell" business?
Amateur Hour at the Pool
My daughter begged to come along on my run. I explained, gently, that she would hate every mile of it. So we compromised: chores done, we would all go to the pool instead. Only later did it dawn on me the pool was her plan all along, and the run was just her opening bid. Outnegotiated.
You Have to Meet Me Half Way
When the baby fusses to be rescued from the living room, I crouch a few feet away and motion for him to crawl to me. He rarely budges. So I explain the theology of it: just like dispensationalism, you have to meet me half way. Not that we believe in dispensationalism here, of course.
Maybe If I Had Three Wives
My wife lamented all the chores she never got to, so I helpfully proposed a fix: a couple more wives to split the load. She informed me she'd already dreamed I was married to everyone at Small Group, and woke up furious about it. The harem idea is a firm no-go.
Where Did I Go Wrong With Joyful Children?
A discipline system foiled by children too cheerful to be deterred, a stranger foraging chanterelles on the mountain trails, a fever and a rash that jump the doctor's queue, and the seventeen acres of wild pasture I once turned into the best gym I ever had.
Telepathic Bat Signal
My kids abandon the toys in my office for days. Yet the instant I finally clean them up, they swarm back as if summoned by some telepathic bat signal, build for ten minutes, and scatter again. The cycle had to wait today, though: after a week flying solo, I drove to Alabama to bring the wife home.
