A garage sale for your mind

A garage sale for your mind

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Latest — 13 Aug 2026

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

Walmart drop-shipped my smoker via Pit Boss, who handed it to Averitt, who handed it to a company that won't drive in my neighborhood. Four companies, two shippers, zero deliveries. Lesson learned: there is no such thing as free shipping.

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

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Naive to the Ways of the World

My son informed me the pool couldn't possibly be open today: it was Sunday, and the lifeguards should not have to labor on the Sabbath. Also this week, a mutual admiration standoff in the church hallway, and a two hundred thirty-seven pound smoker that apparently no truck can deliver.

Naive to the Ways of the World

Dad, a Tortoise!

How do you ask your wife not to overcook the expensive salmon she just surprised you with? Gently, prefaced with several gratitudes. It was as well received as you might imagine. Also, a turtle on the side of a mountain, a decisively vanquished foe, and a son who just wants to eat raw veggies.

Dad, a Tortoise!

Pool Time and Celery Sticks

I'm 2nd place, behind a *girl*, in a Strava segment. I have a new focus in my life. Also, I'm the proud new owner of a smoker, or I will be, if it ever arrives.

Banned from Walmart

I added a smoker to my cart, checked out, and minutes later Walmart cancelled the order for "rule violations." Which rules? No idea. I tried again; cancelled again. The chatbot was useless, there is no human to call, and I finally ordered from my wife's account, still completely baffled.

Banned from Walmart

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

Why does food go bland the moment your nose is stuffed up? Because most of what you call taste is actually smell, and the tongue map you learned in school was a lie. Meanwhile, buried in my medical records: a pathology report that refuses to confirm my appendix was even an appendix.

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

The Secret to Great Teeth is Fearing Your Dentist

My daughter came home from the dentist happy, showing off a new toy, and with a diagnosis of four new cavities. Now I have to police her teeth-brushing each night. I wish this dentist would scare the kids more.

The Secret to Great Teeth is Fearing Your Dentist

Dentistry & Zip Lines

Is that one shady mechanic actually more trustworthy than your dentist? Several dentists we've visited have wanted to do massive amounts of completely unnecessary work. When did pediatric dentistry become an "up sell" business?

Dentistry & Zip Lines

Amateur Hour at the Pool

My daughter begged to come along on my run. I explained, gently, that she would hate every mile of it. So we compromised: chores done, we would all go to the pool instead. Only later did it dawn on me the pool was her plan all along, and the run was just her opening bid. Outnegotiated.

Amateur Hour at the Pool

You Have to Meet Me Half Way

When the baby fusses to be rescued from the living room, I crouch a few feet away and motion for him to crawl to me. He rarely budges. So I explain the theology of it: just like dispensationalism, you have to meet me half way. Not that we believe in dispensationalism here, of course.

You Have to Meet Me Half Way

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