A garage sale for your mind

A garage sale for your mind

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Latest — 19 Aug 2026

Fresh off the Boat & Last Man Standing

Nearly every sitcom dad of the last fifteen years is a dopey incompetent. Last Man Standing tries to be the conservative Christian answer and, to my eye, fails so completely that if someone set out to undermine both the faith and the politics, I could think of no better way to do it.

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The Tennessee Aquarium

Chose the Tennessee aquarium to the Georgia one so the car would not get stolen, or my family accosted. Found great parking, a splash pad crossed with a lazy river, and a city I keep wanting to move to. Then pizza, a movie, and a book study that keeps making premillennialism look worse.

The Tennessee Aquarium

The Smoker Finally Arrives

A two hundred thirty seven pound smoker that would not fit in the car, a white knuckle drive with no rope to secure it, a mountain of cardboard a boy refused to emotionally attach to, a foil boat for a massive brisket, and the strange feeling of going to bed with it still running.

The Smoker Finally Arrives

The Brisket Verdict

Eighteen pounds, on at 10pm, off at 209 degrees the next morning, and about ten pounds of pellets for the whole cook. Excellent reviews all around. But I learned two things the hard way: trim the fat, because the bark builds on a layer nobody eats, and wrap it far earlier to catch the stall.

The Brisket Verdict

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

Walmart drop-shipped my smoker via Pit Boss, who handed it to Averitt, who handed it to a company that won't drive in my neighborhood. Four companies, two shippers, zero deliveries. Lesson learned: there is no such thing as free shipping.

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

Naive to the Ways of the World

My son informed me the pool couldn't possibly be open today: it was Sunday, and the lifeguards should not have to labor on the Sabbath. Also this week, a mutual admiration standoff in the church hallway, and a two hundred thirty-seven pound smoker that apparently no truck can deliver.

Naive to the Ways of the World

Dad, a Tortoise!

How do you ask your wife not to overcook the expensive salmon she just surprised you with? Gently, prefaced with several gratitudes. It was as well received as you might imagine. Also, a turtle on the side of a mountain, a decisively vanquished foe, and a son who just wants to eat raw veggies.

Dad, a Tortoise!

Pool Time and Celery Sticks

I'm 2nd place, behind a *girl*, in a Strava segment. I have a new focus in my life. Also, I'm the proud new owner of a smoker, or I will be, if it ever arrives.

Banned from Walmart

I added a smoker to my cart, checked out, and minutes later Walmart cancelled the order for "rule violations." Which rules? No idea. I tried again; cancelled again. The chatbot was useless, there is no human to call, and I finally ordered from my wife's account, still completely baffled.

Banned from Walmart

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

Why does food go bland the moment your nose is stuffed up? Because most of what you call taste is actually smell, and the tongue map you learned in school was a lie. Meanwhile, buried in my medical records: a pathology report that refuses to confirm my appendix was even an appendix.

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

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