A garage sale for your mind

A garage sale for your mind

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Latest — 17 Aug 2026

The Smoker Finally Arrives

A two hundred thirty seven pound smoker that would not fit in the car, a white knuckle drive with no rope to secure it, a mountain of cardboard a boy refused to emotionally attach to, a foil boat for a massive brisket, and the strange feeling of going to bed with it still running.

The Smoker Finally Arrives — This is what they mean when they ask, "can we help you?"

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The Brisket Verdict

Eighteen pounds, on at 10pm, off at 209 degrees the next morning, and about ten pounds of pellets for the whole cook. Excellent reviews all around. But I learned two things the hard way: trim the fat, because the bark builds on a layer nobody eats, and wrap it far earlier to catch the stall.

The Brisket Verdict

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

Walmart drop-shipped my smoker via Pit Boss, who handed it to Averitt, who handed it to a company that won't drive in my neighborhood. Four companies, two shippers, zero deliveries. Lesson learned: there is no such thing as free shipping.

The Dumbest Delivery Company on Planet Earth

Naive to the Ways of the World

My son informed me the pool couldn't possibly be open today: it was Sunday, and the lifeguards should not have to labor on the Sabbath. Also this week, a mutual admiration standoff in the church hallway, and a two hundred thirty-seven pound smoker that apparently no truck can deliver.

Naive to the Ways of the World

Dad, a Tortoise!

How do you ask your wife not to overcook the expensive salmon she just surprised you with? Gently, prefaced with several gratitudes. It was as well received as you might imagine. Also, a turtle on the side of a mountain, a decisively vanquished foe, and a son who just wants to eat raw veggies.

Dad, a Tortoise!

Pool Time and Celery Sticks

I'm 2nd place, behind a *girl*, in a Strava segment. I have a new focus in my life. Also, I'm the proud new owner of a smoker, or I will be, if it ever arrives.

Banned from Walmart

I added a smoker to my cart, checked out, and minutes later Walmart cancelled the order for "rule violations." Which rules? No idea. I tried again; cancelled again. The chatbot was useless, there is no human to call, and I finally ordered from my wife's account, still completely baffled.

Banned from Walmart

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

Why does food go bland the moment your nose is stuffed up? Because most of what you call taste is actually smell, and the tongue map you learned in school was a lie. Meanwhile, buried in my medical records: a pathology report that refuses to confirm my appendix was even an appendix.

The Specimen is Received in Formalin

The Secret to Great Teeth is Fearing Your Dentist

My daughter came home from the dentist happy, showing off a new toy, and with a diagnosis of four new cavities. Now I have to police her teeth-brushing each night. I wish this dentist would scare the kids more.

The Secret to Great Teeth is Fearing Your Dentist

Dentistry & Zip Lines

Is that one shady mechanic actually more trustworthy than your dentist? Several dentists we've visited have wanted to do massive amounts of completely unnecessary work. When did pediatric dentistry become an "up sell" business?

Dentistry & Zip Lines

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