The Mailbox Militia

I don't actually have any photographic evidence of the perp behind this continued mauling of my mailbox, but none of the evidence points away from this being an orchestrated attack by Union of Soccer Moms (Google link here). So covert is this clandestine organization, that not even Google knows of it - proof of its far-reaching power. (That is, until Google indexes this page, and then the only match will link back here, and only further confuse readers.)

As can be seen in this second picture, the brains behind the attack left his mark; his stamp of approval one might say: APPROVED BY THE POSTMASTER GENERAL. Probably upset about that raw meat thing. No sense of humor.

Tired of always having to drive everywhere in those tiny, cramped little mail trucks; always being passed or honked at; it was only a matter of time before the Post Office assembled its own small-arms, Soccer Mom based militia; bent on justice, and the destruction of those who oppose them - or at least their mailboxes.

The obvious solution is to construct a steel-reinforced concrete pillar just in front of the mailbox; something sublime and easily concealed by an innocent looking shrubbery. The HOA might provide some resistance, but barring that, something like this:

The second generation would include a pressure-sensitive switch and digital camera, and maybe a "Best of Times" picture display of all of those memorable moments. To ensure proper lighting, this would all be integrated with a 1 million+ candle-power flood light, with a whole host of capacitors to ensure that instant-on action.

Although very speculative at this point, the third generation would leave behind the needless complication and over-engineering of the second generation and take us back to our roots: a small-yield tactical nuclear device, again activated by a pressure-sensitive switch on the steel-reinforced concrete pillar ... all nicely hidden behind an appealing shubbery, groomed to say, "No. You're not about to nuke yourself. Come a little closer. Let's be friends."

LEARN TO DRIVE. LEAVE MY POOR MAILBOX ALONE!