May the Insanity Never End

A new week and a little bit of new insanity. This time it's called:

HR414: To require mobile phones containing digital cameras to make a sound when a photograph is taken.

We can thank Rep Peter T. King of New York (big surprise there) for this particular piece of genius.

The specifics of this masterpiece can be found here. The rational for the lunacy is stated as:

Congress finds that children and adolescents have been exploited by photographs taken in dressing rooms and public places with the use of a camera phone.

I am personally offended for my many hearing challenged friends. Well, I would be if I had any. The camera-equipped phone should also have to include a 1,000 candle power strobe light that we'll just refer to as a "flash". This "flash" (big air quotes, please) would allow our aurally encumbered comrades to have equal protection against such predators.

But what of the Helen Keller would-be's? Certainly they shouldn't be neglected by this proposed legislation. We need a vibration feature on the phone that guarantees localized tremors of no less than a 4.2 (richter scale) earthquake.

I'm not sure what can be done to protect against the exploitation of those in vegetative states, but we shouldn't rest until they too are no longer at risk of having candid photos of them taken.

And at the very least, we should definitely not limit this legislation to those convicted of sexually exploitative crimes. We're a team. We should all stick together on this and have loud, bright, earthquake-causing phones.

And whatever you do, don't just buy a regular camera to take pictures of the kiddies on the playground. I'm pretty sure its safe to say that no one has ever been, exploited by photographs taken in dressing rooms and public places with a regular camera instead of a camera phone.

Oh, I'm a genius. I've got it. We need a Federally mandated licensing system for the purchase of devices equipped with cameras.

Problem solved.

Sorry to have wasted your time.

Update: That thing I mentioned the other day about the bill to let the Feds license gun ownership. I called it HR45. It's actually HR2666. See the three sixes? Not a coincidence. The sign of the end times! First they take our gunz-es and then come the computer chip implants! (Yes, I'm joking. I mean, it really is HR2666, but the rest is spoken in a jocose (you can thank my thesaurus for that) manner.)

Update Again: I'm thinking that this Peter T. King and Bobby L. Rush (of We-Want-Your-Gunz-es! fame) should get together and co-sponsor a bill to require audible noise for all cameras attached to firearms. Just a thought.